Book: Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps, Barbara & Allan Pease

A very interesting book.

Chapter 1. Same species, different worlds
  • The wiring of our brain in the worm and the effect of hormones will determine how we think and behave.

Chapter 2. Making perfect sense
  • A boy does not really lose skin sensitivity at puberty, it just all goes to one area.

Chapter 3. It's all in the mind
  • Men joke that they sleep by the door of their first marital home for a quick getaway. In truth, it's pure defender instinct.
  • Males have limited abilities when it comes to speech and conversation
  • Because women use both sides of their brains, many find it more difficult to tell their left hand from their right.
  • Brain wiring test. (my score was slightly mascurine for a female , haha: a score of 110, lower than the normal range 150-300.

Chapter 4. Talking and listening
  • Mothers who try to talk to their sons are usually disappointed to receive only short grunts in reply.
  • If men want to get on better with women, then they need to talk more.
  • To impress men in business, a woman needs to keep her thoughts inside her head and only talk about conclusion.
  • Men need to understand that when a woman talks, she is not expecting him to respond with solutions.
  • Women need to understand that when men does not talk, that is not a cue that something is wrong.
  • The first rule of talking to a man: keep it simple! Give him only one thing at a time to think about.
  • Men usually only interrupt each other if they are becoming competitive or aggressive.
  • Men love big words, meaning of words is important. But a woman will use words that she does not really mean.
  • If a woman is talking to you a lot, she likes you. If she is not talking to you, you are in trouble.
  • Indirect talk builds rapport among women - but if often does not work with men because they do not understand the rules.
  • Women use the 'girlie' voice to counteract the power of the large body size and others use it to encourage protective behavior in men they like.

Chapter 5. Spatial ability: maps, targets and parallel parking
  • The majority women have limited spatial ability
  • She has no sense of direction, but he can never find socks in his drawer
  • To have a happy life: never insist that a woman read a map or street directory
  • Where equal spatial ability exists, women can perform at a higher level than men
  • If you want to persuade a woman to go with a certain set of plans, show her a three dimensional version

Chapter 6. Thoughts, attitudes, emotions and other disaster areas
  • Boys like things, girls like people
  • Boys compete, girls co-operate
  • Boys want power and status, girls want relationships and co-operation
  • Girls will ostracize a girl who exerts authority by thinking she is bossy.
  • Men have side-by-side friendships based on things and achievements, women have face-to-face friendships based on emotional sharing.
  • If a woman is unhappy in her relationships, she cant concentrate on her works. If a man is unhappy at work he cant focus on his relationships.
  • Man leave his woman if he feels he cant make her happy. Woman leaves a man not because she is unhappy with what he can provide, but because she is emotionally unfulfilled.
  • Men hate criticism, that is why they like to marry virgin. A woman needs to make sure she does not make a man feel wrong.
  • Don't offer a man advice unless he asks for it. Tell him you have confidence in his ability to work things out.
  • When dealing with an upset woman, do not offer solutions or invalidate her feelings - just show her you are listening
  • For a woman, sharing problems with her friends is a sign of trust and friendship
  • Men climb on their rock to solve problems. Women who follow them get kicked off.
  • A man is expected to communicate: a skill that does not come naturally to him. But these skills can be learned
  • Real men do cry, but only when the emotion segment of the brain is engaged. Suspect men who cry regularly in public.
  • For a man to feel energized, he needs an objective, a target to hit and a timetable.
  • Give women a sincere compliment with more details.

Chapter 7. Our chemical cocktail
  • Progesterone(causes parental & nurturing feeling) is released when a woman see a baby (teddy bears, short fat men with chubby cheeks)
  • Blond hair is a sign of high oestrogen and high fertility
  • Ninety percent of the people in prison are men (high testosterone)
  • Girls suffering PMT get lower scores in mathematical exams

Chapter 8. Boys will be boys,but not always
  • Scientists have shown that homosexuality is an orientation that is unalterable. It is not a choice

Chapter 9. Men, women and sex
  • Testosterone stimulates the desire for sex
  • Men are microwave, women are electric ovens. This explains the older man/younger woman combination.
  • When it comes to sex, women need a reason and men need a place
  • When men feel stress, he sees sex as a sleeping pill.
  • When men are asked about their relationship, they mentioned in terms of their partner's personal services (cook, iron his shirts, or massage his head). When a woman is asked, she describe based on the recent events (how attentive, his helpfulness and how much he has communicated with her)
  • The cleverer you are, the less sex you have
  • Sex increases your testosterone levels which fortify your bones and muscles and supply you a good level of cholesterol.
  • A woman wants lot of sex with the man she loves. A man wants lots of sex
  • Men wants women to dress tarts (but never in public)
  • Testicle size determines the males level of faithfulness or monogamy
  • Men are stimulated trough their eyes, women through their eyes
  • The combination of manly body and female values is usually found only in gay or effeminate men
  • Most women prefer sex with light out - they cant bear to see a man enjoying himself. Men like sex with the lights on - so they can get the woman's name right.

Chapter 10. Marriage, love and romance
  • Sex is the price women pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men pay for sex
  • At a base, men want a cross between their mother and a personal servant
  • Women recognizes when love does not exist. That's why they are much more proactive in finishing relationships.
  • Men can separate love from sex. For women, love and sex are inter wined. One equals the other.
  • A woman enters a new relationship looking for romance and love. Sex comes as a consequence. Men frequently enter a relationship through sex and then look to see if there could be the possibility of a relationship.
  • How do you know if a man is ready for sex? he's breathing
  • Some surefire romance tips for men:
  1. Set the environment
  2. Feed her
  3. Light a fire (cook)
  4. Bring flowers (new fresh flower brings another chance of romance)
  5. GO dancing
  6. Buy chocolate and champagne (contains chemical in increasing testosterone, except white chocolate and coffee)


  • The flower of love is the rose. After three days all the petals fall off and you are left with an ugly,prickly thing. Chances are both men and women do not have much in common or much to talk about. Finding the right partner means deciding what things you will have common with someone in long term
  • Men Men prefer to be touched in main one area, and as often as possible

Chapter 11. Towards a different future
Our biology has not changed much and mostly outdated. Despite the best intentions of equal opportunity employers, boys still stubbornly go into jobs with a mechanical and spatial bias and girls seem compelled to seek jobs involving human interaction.

The END